Jeanette Winterson, The World and Other Places:
Life transitions are challenging because they force us to let go of the familiar and face the future with a feeling of vulnerability. Whether positive or negative, a transitional space can force us to adjust to new ways of living, being and working. How we deal with these changes can feel quite challenging to our sense of well-being and our emotional health.
Many significant changes are triggered by regrets about unfulfilled dreams, a discontent or dissatisfaction with how life has turned out or a feeling that you are not at peace with the passing of time.
When we consider change in our lives, we might think about the work of the psychoanalyst Donald winnicott, who wrote about the important transitions an infant experiences in separating from her mother.
He believed that our sense of self emerged through our interpersonal relations, especially through early interactions between the main carer and her infant. In order for the infant to develop, the caregiver must gradually allow disillusionment so that the infant feels she is a separate individual but also feels safe and empowered. As this process occurs she begins to sense that her needs and emotions are not immediately met because her mother is not an extension of herself.
Healthy separation happens when the infant’s emotions are reflected back to her and adequately held without crisis occurring. This mirroring and holding creates what Winnicott called a transitional space, a container where the infant feels safe enough and powerful enough to navigate and integrate her needs and emotions allowing her to develop a stable sense of self that can develop authentic emotional connections in everyday interactions with others while still feeling some sense of control.
At some point we all have to deal with times of major life transition, which require adjusting to new identities and new perspectives. These changes are not always smooth, but it is helpful to appreciate that they happen for an purpose and can be important to allow us to grow as individuals developing resilience and self belief.
They perhaps attempt to signpost us in the direction of being closer to who and what we want to be and hopefully allow life to feel more meaningful and authentic.
Using Winnicott’s concept of a transitional space is helpful in navigating these times of change. The strength in these situations is knowing when we need to ask for support from those around us. – Whether that be family, friends or seeking the help of a professional. As I have gone through my own transitions in life, I have decided where I am going to focus my attention and what support I need. I know that I cannot manage significant change myself and I am open to help. Being proactive, aware and vulnerable are important characteristics to successfully negotiating the significant changes that life has a habit of throwing up.
‘The real issue with speed is not just how fast can you go, but where are you going so fast? It doesn’t help to arrive quickly if you wind up in the wrong place’. Walter Murch